20+ Funny Retirement Quotes - For Coworkers, Friends, and More (2024)

Looking for funny retirement quotes? We’ve gathered the best messages and quotes to ensure they feel truly happy.

Retirement is a time to honor the remarkable contributions of those stepping into this new phase of life. Whether you’re commemorating with an unforgettable gift experience or a thoughtful gift, our collection of wishes is guaranteed to bring warmth to their retirement.

To make your search easier, our 20+ Retirement quotes are categorized into:

Funny Retirement Quotes for Coworkers

Whether it’s for a card, a speech, or just to share a giggle, here are funny retirement quotes perfect for bidding farewell to coworkers.

1. “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret
2. Say goodbye to tension and hello to your pension.” —Anonymous
3. “As you retire, remember: you’ll never have to sit through another meeting pretending to understand what’s going on!” – Anonymous
4. “Retirement: No job, no stress, no pay!” – Anonymous
5. “I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So, I do it three or four times a day.” – Gene Perret
6. “Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, ‘Hi, Honey, I’m home — forever.’” – Gene Perret
7. “Retirement is the only time in your life when time no longer equals money.” – Anonymous
8. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” – Bill Watterson
9. “When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” — R.C. Sherriff

Funny Retirement Quotes for Boss

Retirement for a boss marks not just the end of an era of leadership but also the beginning of a well-deserved break from all the deadlines, meetings, and decision-making. As such, it’s the perfect occasion to infuse some humor into your well-wishes, lightening the mood and celebrating their new phase of life with a laugh.

1. “Retirement: The world’s longest coffee break.” – Anonymous
2. “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons
3. “Now that you’re retired, think of all the time you can spend on your golf game! Just don’t get too good, or we’ll all be suspicious.” – Anonymous
4. “Retirement is when you finally admit that you’ve been working too hard to work anymore.” – Anonymous
5. “In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.” – Terri Guillemets
6. “To our retired boss: Gone from the office but not forgotten, because we’ll call you for every password we forgot.” – Anonymous
7. “Enjoy your retirement! Now the only person you need to listen to is your spouse.” – Anonymous

Funny Retirement Quotes for Family and Friends

After years of hard work, what better way to transition into this new chapter than with a smile for your loved ones?

1. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” —Mark Twain
2. “Retirement: When you finally realize that never having to use an alarm clock is worth all those years of work.” – Anonymous
3. “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements
4. “Retirement: Where you spend half your time wondering what day it is, and the other half wondering if it even matters.” – Anonymous
5. “Congratulations on your retirement! Now you have more time to bother me. Just kidding, please visit often.” – Anonymous
6. “Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means choice.” – Dianne Nahirny
7. “Retired is being twice tired, I’ve thought. First tired of working, Then tired of not.” – Richard Armour

Conclusion

Retirement is a moment to celebrate dedication, and these messages are crafted to bring warmth and joy to the retiree’s heart.

Why not complement these wishes with a thoughtful gift? For those seeking gift ideas, we recommend offering unforgettable gift experiences that will be cherished for a lifetime. Alternatively, try exploring Amazon for a wide range of gift options and price comparisons.

Seth Cannon

Seth is an English-major turned stand-up comedian. When he’s not touring comedy clubs, he loves putting his creativity to use writing puns and card greetings for all occasions (not just funny ones). Many of his punny works can be found in a card store near you.